Monday, February 29, 2016

I'll Take It

Moon 2
Flickr Credit: Ana Sofia Guerreirinho

It’s 11:28 PM, February 28, 2016.

To be perfectly honest, I’d like to be in bed right now. I’d be snuggled under my blankets flipping villainous stories through my fingers while the moon outside drips oil onto the windows—that way they’ll be ready when the sun sets them alight tomorrow at dawn.

I should be in the bathroom. My alveoli remind me that there’s an inhaler in the cupboard with my name on it. It won’t feel right to end the day without minty toothpaste, and of course, there’s the flossing. Always the flossing.

But I’m here, writing a blog post and falling asleep.

I didn’t do a lot today. I went to church. I used social media more than was strictly necessary. I tried writing blog posts. I watched a movie. I wrote. It wasn’t a lot. Not like that.

But how heavy those little things weigh together.

I went to church, but it was kind of scary. One of my World Music assignments during spring break is to visit a church that isn’t of our own denomination and study the significance of music in a service. I’ve always wondered about that church, and going inside, I was very much an outsider. I didn’t know the customs or the practices, and at the end I had to interview a (nice) stranger about the events of the service. I’ve been dreading this assignment all semester, and it was hard to go someplace new and appreciate someone else’s traditions among unfamiliar faces. The good news is, I lived.

I spent time on Twitter and Facebook. But it was a time I enjoyed. This last week has been hectic with midterms and the death of my grandfather—it’s sure to be more hectic this week, too—and I haven’t spent as much time among my blogging neighbors and friends as I’d like. But I talked to my friends. I talked to my neighbors. I got to smile because other people held a conversation with me and it was fun and it was nice. Sometimes I forget how much I love my community. No one I care about lets me forget it very long.

I tried writing blog posts. I tried writing this blog post a lot of ways. It was hard. I didn’t write a lot this week because of midterms, going to musical productions (yes, three), and work. And I wanted to write about how you are the best person to tell your story, to catch up on my WIP wish list, to say something worth saying about being a writer. But I didn’t feel like a writer, and I kept getting distracted.

So I watched a movie. I played 2048 with my youngest sister and we watched Over the Hedge. It made me think about our traditions and our innovations. Some things stay the same and some things change but you try to find a balance and an identity but at the same time, everything can be lost. Such is the way of time and black holes.

But most importantly, I wrote. I wrote fan fiction. And the words were there, they were new and they were stilted but they weren’t something I’d been working on for months so I could bask in their novelty and smile at the sadness captured in their Calibri-built cages. I wrote fan fiction, and I looked on as they looked on, too. And I wrote! I sat down and pulled up my WIP and I wrote 900 words and it was 900 more words than I’d had on Monday. My characters melted like wax into puddles on the floor and I couldn’t splash them, but there will be time to strike a match tomorrow, and then we’ll see what forms we find hidden there.

I wrote and it was beautiful and my puddles welled back up because even though I want to be in my bed with delicate strands of malice twisting towards the ceiling I did something and it meant something and I want to do it again.

I went to church. I used Twitter and Facebook. I tried to be a writer but had to be patient for solitude. I watched Over the Hedge and got to the 512 key in 2048. And I wrote about secrets and withholding forgiveness and love.

I didn’t do very much today, but even those little things brought their small successes. Whatever the worth of the day may be, I’ll take it. Sunlight can’t jingle in my pockets but that’s okay. I don’t really like going outside that much anyway.

In the meantime, I’ll get ready for bed. I’ll crawl into bed with that evil I’ve been yapping about. The lamp will turn off and the moon will quit splashing her oil around to wink once—her good night salute.

It’s 11:54 PM, February 28, 2016.

Don’t stall the sunrise on my account.


Can you tell that I was tired and listening to Disney instrumentals when I wrote this? 


14 comments :

  1. <3 <3 <3 this is so beautiful, Heather. Congratulations on the small successes on the eve of leap day. And yay to the writing you got done!!

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  2. Heather, this is so beautiful. I'm so glad you wrote something, and I hope you're very proud of it. I'm so sorry about your grandfather.

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    1. Looking back on it, yeah, I am. And thank you.

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  3. Aw I'm so sorry about you Grandfather! This is a wonderful post Heather. It's always a great feeling when you start writing after hitting a wall :)

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    1. Thanks, Opal. And yeah! It's really nice to get back into the writing zone after all this time.

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  4. Every word of writing is a success. And some days, the successes might be small, but they're the most worthwhile. Though I feel your pain with the interview. I had to do that three times in my university course, and I was always so, so nervous, even though I knew the people. Interviewing be scary.

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    1. Yes. Small successes lead to bigger successes and that is the best. Ugh, yeah. WHY INTERVIEWS? WHY?

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  5. So I think you were tired when you wrote this. But I loved the tone or tiredness, completeness, wholeness that pervaded (even if it wasn't intentional). And you know what? It's a newish week, a new month. As a lovely anglican prayer says, 'the night heralds the dawn. Let us look forward to a new day, new joys, and new possibilities.' I hope this week treats you well, even with grief and busyness.

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    1. Oh yeah. I was so tired. XD And that is such a lovely prayer, Shar. I really like it. Thanks for sharing it with me. :)

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  6. My condolences on the loss of your grandfather.

    This was a beautiful, authentic post. Hang in there.

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  7. Wow, I'm so sorry about your grandfather!

    I really liked what you said at the end, "Whatever the worth of the day may be, I’ll take it." It's difficult (at least for me) to do that a lot of the time: to just take the worth of this day and not worry so much about everything else. But I think it's something that's super important to learn, and I'm glad you wrote this. :)


    Alexa
    thessalexa.blogspot.com
    verbositybookreviews.wordpress.com

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    1. Thanks, Alexa. :)

      Yeah, I guess it's kind of the wisdom of someone who doesn't have the energy to do anything else. Just accept it, and keep moving. I'm glad you got something out of this, Alexa. :)

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