Monday, August 24, 2015

Not Quite Tigers (A Sister Story)

Siddown and clam your yammering pie holes. I’m gonna tell a story.

Tiger
Flickr Credit: Riccardo Cuppini
It starts in 2002. If you’ve ever enjoyed the delights of America’s obesity epidemic and obsession with recreational deception, you can imagine how excited I was for October 31st. Halloween. Candy, class parties, candy, costumes, candy, and yes, candy. Best day ever!

I knew exactly what I wanted to be: a wedding girl. A WEDDING GIRL, I TELL YOU! Between the white dress and the flowers, I would outshine every other tyke on the street that night, and life would be perfect. After all, there is nothing better to be than a wedding girl for Halloween. Believe me, I was a wedding girl, and I would know.

Of course, there was a minor hitch in my grand plan. You can’t be a wedding girl unless you’re getting married.

OH NO! There I was, the oldest of three girls with nobody to marry in sight. I couldn’t marry Dad—he was already married to Mom. I couldn’t marry my sisters—I wasn’t about to marry a girl. (Being a first grader, I don’t think it occurred to me that you shouldn’t be in romantic relationships with your family members, either.) What was I to do? It wasn’t like I could go to Wedding Girls R’ Us and pick up a boy to marry and make Halloween complete.

Everything else was perfect, too! I practiced my wedding girl walk up and down the length of the living room, taking small, delicate steps, pausing between each one. Mom even took me to Hobby Lobby and got me a plastic flower to hold in lieu of a fresh bouquet. I ROCKED this wedding girl stuff.

But you can’t be a wedding girl unless you’re getting married. So I improvised.

Heidi wanted to be a tiger for Halloween. Don’t ask me why. I would never want to be a tiger when I could be a wedding girl, but whatever. It’s a free country, and if I teased her I would get a time-out for sure, so Heidi was allowed to be a tiger.

Unbeknownst to Heidi, this was a fortunate turn of events for Heather the wedding girl. You see, even though I was only five, with aspirations of becoming an archaeologist, I knew quite a bit about tigers. They are orange with black stripes, for example, or, a lesser known fact, there is no such thing as a girl tiger. Therefore, even if I didn’t have a brother around to marry, it was entirely appropriate for a sister dressed as a boy tiger to marry me.

Problem solved.

I kind of feel bad for Heidi now. Being the bridegroom, she had to stand by the door for a really long time while I practiced my walk. You can’t get married if you suck while walking down the aisle. Searching the edges of my fragmented memory, I have the bad feeling there might have been kissing involved, as well.

(However, I remind you, we were in first grade and kindergarten, so just clothe those thoughts with innocence, okay? Okay. Stay that way.)

Heather (wedding girl), Heidi (tiger), Holly (angel)
Heidi doesn’t dress like a tiger anymore. She is not even that ferocious of a person, unless you try to give her a hug or something. However, she has grown into someone who likes sewing—I once asked her, “Heidi, does sewing bring joy to your heart?” (It is a hobby of mine to ask my sisters weird questions.) She smiled and said, “Yes.”

For that reason, I am presenting to you her Etsy shop Not Quite Tigers. When she first told me, she was sewing, so I thought she said, “Not Quite Finished.” I was like, “You’re going to try to sell people stuff you aren’t done with yet?!” Then I learned.

Right now there are hats, although my favorite is the recently-added leaf gloves, that remind me of Epic and Lord of the Rings. And though it is not typical of me to advertise on this blog, I turned it into a story so that you would forgive me—because when you make your sister be your tiger bridegroom for Halloween, you kind of owe her.


You can check out Heidi’s store Not Quite Tigers, or see the Instagram account run by my sister Holly.

Do you do anything crafty? Do you have an Etsy shop (it doesn’t have to be yours) that you think I should know about?


23 comments :

  1. Hey Heather! This was a really good post, I remember when it was Halloween over here in England I just put on this scary mask and that's it :D

    Check out my blog? Your choice ~ shinenelevate.blogspot.co.uk

    Rukiya XX

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    1. XD Well, if I understand correctly Halloween might be a bigger holiday over here. We get very excited. Thanks for visitng, Rukiya, and I'll be sure to check out your blog!

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  2. Well, I have to say, 2002 Heather had some interesting logical leaps. But wedding girls are totally cool to dress up as ... I don't suppose you considered going as a bridesmaid? XD And yay, how nice of you to advertise your sis' Etsy store! I do so love the items on Etsy, but shipping to Hong Kong is a nightmare. Wish Heidi the best in her business for me!

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    1. 2002 Heather did not know much about sexual reproduction, I"m afraid. I don't think I ever would have considered being a bridesmaid because they are small beans next to the bride, y'know? I was/am a rather egocentrical person in that regard. It's too bad about shipping in Hong Kong, but thank you for your wishes! :D

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  3. Heather, you made a beautiful wedding girl :) That story was so cute. (And don't worry, I did weirder things when I was little)

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    1. Thank you, I consider that high praise. xD I'm glad you enjoyed it—but if you did weirder things as a child, I invite you to share them, because I would love to know.

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  4. That is such an adorable story. The bond between sisters is indescribable, but this story really does capture what sisterhood is all about.

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    1. I'm glad you liked it. :) We sisters do have an incredible bond, but in the end, we're here for each other, and that's something I'm incredibly grateful for. Thanks for reading, Susanna!

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  5. This is beyond hilarious. Poor Heidi! Though I see that she's an excellent seamstress. I've never done the entire halloween thing, but I had a lot of dressing up in my childhood, and there was a shirtless-but-covered-in-paint. And don't get me started on the play about underground gymnastics, please. And the advertising is quite all right :)

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    1. *shirtless but covered in paint incident*
      -Shanti

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    2. XD She is a very good seamstress. I could tell more stories of her sewing, actually. Although, shirtless children aren't very rare, so even if you were covered in paint, I think it sounds like an awesome story! Dress up is the best! Thanks for reading, Shanti!

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  6. *dies laughing* Well, that's one way to write a story. But wait, there's no such thing as girl tigers? How did I not know this before? What rock have I been living under? *runs and hides in shame* Your poor sister, but you did make such a cute wedding girl (and she made a cute tiger--actually, both your sisters looked adorable--you looked a little maniacal, though, but in a nice way).

    This actually reminds me of when I was younger. My cousins had a whole stash of costumes, and we liked to dress up and play pretend every time we hung out. Well, they had this wedding dress and my favorite game involved marrying my cousin (he didn't like that game as much). Apparently, like you, I wasn't familiar with the concept of "We don't marry family members because they have cooties". I was pretty crushed when they got rid of the wedding dress after it got too ratty and gross. Seriously, I mean, you can't exactly marry your cousin without a wedding dress.

    Anyway, great post! And your sisters gloves look super awesome--next time I go on a spending spree, I'll definitely keep them in mind. (And bonus points for Best Sales Pitch ever.)

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    1. XD As I mentioned to Alyssa, 2002 Heather didn't know very much about sexual reproduction. XD I have never been the most photogenic of my sisters, so I think that description of us is entirely accurate—cute, cute, and cute but a little maniacal. Hehe.

      Oh, that sounds awesome! Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I ended up marrying my cousin in a game of dress-up at some point, too. Aw, I can't believe you were deprived of your wedding dress! I mean, I know how important that would be. But, maybe the next time you get married it can be with someone you aren't related to and in a better outfit. XD If that's what you want to do, at any rate.

      Thanks for keeping Heidi in mind, Liz! (And yeah, I figured I could help out somehow.)

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  7. That is the greatest story I have heard in a good while! Haha! The picture of you and your sisters is adorable. It is so cute of you to support your sister's shop on your blog- I must venture over there immediately!
    Thanks, Heather and Heidi! :P
    -Bailey

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    1. XD I'm glad you liked it! We had a lot of fun in our childhood. And thanks for keeping Heidi in mind, Bailey! :)

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  8. I feel like child me would not have gotten along with child you but still, this is hilarious and since I am no longer child me (thankfully) I can appreciate this. xD

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    1. That is okay, I don't think child me got along with a lot of people. That is the lot of being a child. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reading, Aimee!

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  9. Aw, Heather, that was such an adorable story. I actually laughed when you said wedding girl because I thought you meant bridesmaid or bride, but wedding girl it is! And it's cool that your sister is starting an etsy shop, I'll be sure to check it out.

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    1. XD I didn't use small words like "bride." I was a WEDDING GIRL! Thanks for keeping Heidi in mind, Precious, and thanks so much for reading! :)

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  10. Oh this is soooo cool! Of course, what utter facts about tigers. There are no girl tigers! When I first found your blog, I stalked all your 'a story' posts and so it was nice to see another one. When I was little I wanted to be a bridesmaid, then I was told I was too young for bridesmaiding but I could be a flower girl, and I longed to, but I never did. I didn't know enough people getting married I guess. :D

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    1. Haha, you can see ho much I knew when I was five. I'm glad you've enjoyed my story posts, and hopefully there will be more coming up in the future! I'm sorry you never got to be a flower girl, but hey, you still may have the role of bridesmaid in your future! :D

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  11. LOL, this was amazing! The first line of your post made me laugh, and the rest of the story was awesome too. The things we do when we're little, lol.


    Alexa
    thessalexa.blogspot.com
    verbositybookreviews.wordpress.com

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    1. XD Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Being a kid is definitely fun, and something I'll always remember. Thanks for reading, Alexa!

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