"Stanley did prepare for his master many more busts for Satan to smash, and the rocks did scatter through the recesses of hell violently. “Well, it’s better you’re taking out your anger on these things instead of the real Jesus, huh?” At that moment, Satan was hit with his most favored idea yet, and exclaimed it with pride, “I’ll get rid of Jesus!” And Stanley was confused. “The real Jesus?” Satan glared at him with vehemence, and declared that they go to his secret laboratory, so that he might kill the heir to Heaven and sit upon the throne in his stead.
"Hidden from mortal eyes, Satan consulted Stanley upon the following proceedings. He asked if everything were ready, and Stanley showed to his master the nails and mallets he had prepared for the upcoming execution. “Not the crucifixion,” said Satan. “You know.” “Oh, right. The temptation. The temptation for Jesus, the temptation chosen especially to defeat Jesus, Jesus’s temptation. That temptation?” And Satan’s anger burned against Stanley. “Yes! That temptation.” Stanley had Satan covered, and with a few drops in his drink all of Heaven would be his before the ninth hour. Stanley pointed out that it would be a real shame, for the post-crucifixion dessert he had prepared was creamy and smooth indeed.
"At the sixth hour darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice that he was thirsty. With a great shove, Satan pushed Stanley to run up to Jesus with his temptations soaked into a sponge, which he did raise to the Lord’s lips upon a stick. Stanley backed away, and with a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last.
"Three days passed. Stanley edged into the throne room, where sat his master, eating grapes. “Jesus is in his tomb, right?” Satan asked. “I need to hear these words.” Stanley because nervous, and asked if he needed to hear those words exactly. And Satan’s anger burned against Stanley again. “Jesus is alive?” Stanley said, “Well, he is not as dead as we would have hoped. And he has become a llama.”
|via Emma Davis|
Here ends the reading.
And now you know what I think about during church on Sundays. What’s your favorite Emperor’s New Groove Quote?
(Note: even if it isn’t quoted some of the lines I used are from the NIV books of Matthew and Mark, as well as the Disney movie The Emperor’s New Groove.)