This concerns me.
I say this not only as a citizen of the to-be-dominated world, but as someone who pays a lot of attention to would-be rulers in general.
That being said, I have a few thoughts I just want you to think about before you (or your characters) announce yourself as a world-dominator.
1. There is More Than One Applicant For the Position
Life got pretty bad when there were three Popes, and the Pope is head of a church. If there are upwards of a hundred applicants, not nearly as holy, wanting to rule the world, they’re going to have to duke it out, or go by “a ruler of the world” instead of “the ruler of the world.” Is that what you really have in mind?
2. No One Ever Talks About Politics
Partitioning Africa meant making rival cultures get along using force. That was one continent. If you do this to the whole world, I have a problem because...
3. Where Are Your Guns? Where Are Your Armies?
People really don’t like being taken over. Pick a war! Any war! People fight against new management, and if you want to make changes, you need to be able to enforce them. Besides, if everybody wants to rule the world, you’re going to need a defense plan.
4. Charm Isn’t Enough
No, you say, I don’t need guns—people will accept me because I am not evil! Spoiler alert, niceness doesn’t put food on the table. Hitler wouldn’t have been an effective ruler if he didn’t offer solutions for his people; there are a lot of solution-less people in the world and a smile isn’t going to help them.
5. You Don’t Talk About Your Programs
Speaking of solution-less people, they will allege themselves to solution-makers. One time in France a ruling class didn’t make solutions for their impoverished people. This guy named Robespierre really hated it, so he killed them. What exactly are you offering that would make people not want to kill you?
6. You Don’t Have Goals
“Rule the World” is not a goal. This is a goal: “By the end of 2025, I will be Earth’s benevolent dictator and presiding lawmaker after obtaining and consolidating the world’s militaries as my own police force and leveling the global standard of living.”
7. You Don’t Have an Action Plan
After making that goal, how are you going to get there? A goal without a plan is just a wish, and if taking over the world were easy, everyone would do it. Where will you get the money, resources, manpower, financial support, etcetera?
8. Where’s the Fan Club?
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Nine pirates, everyone always votes for himself, there is never a majority, and you can never elect a pirate king. You need a fan club. Someone like Jack Sparrow, who will vote for you, stand behind you as you go to war, and defend you against the other would-be rulers. Bonus points for being sassy. Who’s in your posse?
9. Will You Solve Anything Other than First World Problems?
If I ruled the world, all baristas would be required to make cool designs in every latte, because everybody knows it tastes better when it looks cool. Wow. How profound am I? I’m sure this is why Africa has children who are dying of starvation—they won’t drink design-less lattes. If the point of your ruling the world is to solve the minor inconveniences of the first world, maybe you should just get a degree in business instead.
10. If You Don’t Do Anything, What is the Point Of You Being In Charge?
Last thing. If all you do is take a title and don’t invest in your new planet, what is the point of you being in charge? If nothing changes, did it ever happen?
And that is just my food for thought for all you world-rulers out there. Don’t worry, I realize that I’m not a good leader and have no desires to compete with you. However, as a concerned citizen, I’d like you to work out the kinks BEFORE your stunning takeover.
I’d appreciate it. Thank you.
Are you (still) a potential ruler of the world? If so, please don’t have me assassinated for blowing holes in your plans.
(P.S. Yes, I know—most of the world-takeover plans are in jest, but if doing WBIs on Friday has changed me at all, it’s in never taking world management lightly. Go figure.)